QUOTES

• Morality / Philosophy
• History / Knowledge
• A Short Guide to Conmparative Religions
• Misc. Quotes

Morality / Philosophy

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings, and so, give them the power to pull ours.

The trouble with fiction...is that it makes too much sense. Reality never makes sense.

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.

Non quia difficilia sunt, non audemus, sed quia non audemus, difficilia sunt.

It's not about what happened but how you react.

Cogito ergo sum (I think therefore I am).

Non cogitant ergo non sunt (They don't think therefore they aren't).

Kindness begets kindness.

There are people who observe the rules of honor as we observe the stars: from a distance.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

Children are natural mimics; they act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners.

The majority is always wrong; the minority is rarely right.

If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing.

Of all the ways of defining man, the worst is the one which makes him out to be a rational.

Everyman has a sane spot somewhere.

Never argue at the dinner table, for the who one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument.

Cowardice asks the question: Is it safe? Expediency asks the question: Is it politic? Vanity asks the question: Is it popular? But Conscience asks the question: Is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must make it because his conscience tells him that it is right....

History / Knowledge

God cannot alter the past, but historians can.

History: An account mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

To the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name knowledge.

History books that contain no lies are extremely dull.

The learned fool writes his nonsense in better language than the unlearned, but it is still nonsense.

Mistakes are their own instructors.

The chief knowledge that man gets from reading books is the knowledge that very few of them are worth reading.

Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one, isn't it?

All good things which exist are the fruits of originality.

The mark of the man of the world is the absence of pretension.

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up."

A Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Source: tee-shirt, posted 08/27/99

Taoism:	Shit happens.
Buddhism:	If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam:	If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism:	Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism:	Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism:	This shit happened before.
Catholicism:	Shit happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna:	Shit happens rama rama.
TV Evangelism:	Send more shit.
Atheism:	No shit.
Jehova's Witness:	Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism:	There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science:	Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism:	Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Existencialism:	What is shit anyway?
Stoicism:	This shit doesn't bother me.
Rastafarianism:	Let's smoke this shit.

Miscellaneous Quotes

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

People are always available for work in the past tense.

The only point in making money is, you can tell some big shot where to go.

A writer is rarely so well inspired as when he talks about himself.

I don't know jokes; I just watch the government and report the facts.

My way of joking is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world.

When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighters shaking hands.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier.

One must judge men not by their opinions, but by what their opinions have made of them.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.

Sooner or later, EVERYONE stops smoking.

further quotes will be added when I feel like it