POEMS GROUP 22: MANAS

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS I:

THE NEW LIFE

I'm not at peace
unless I'm with you
I'm not quite myself
unless it's with you:

I guess
the "I" is quite a fluid thing
and lone an "I"
is merely an ego
held high:

how can anybody
believe
to be able to go it alone:

we're amputated egos
thrown back unto our lonely selves:
it needs another
to know the own
(it needs the own
to know another)

it's not that two people
are becoming one:

it's that two people
together
are becoming more
than they ever
would have been able to be

it's what you keep to yourself
that binds you down
that traps you
in the prison of false a consciousness

it's what you surrender to somebody else
that will
in the end
prove a beginning
for so much more:

a life
unshared
is a life
unlived:
for what is private
is merely deprivation
and loss

so now
indeed
once again:
the poet is right:
the new life
la vita nuova
can only be gained
through love,
and love only

November 19th/20th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS II:

GREAT MAKER

just occasionally
I hope
I am the master
and art is my product

somehow, though,
I fear
the fates are reversed:

at the end of the day
(and I mean that quite literally)
at the beginning of night
the human needs sleep
and art needs production:
someone's gotta give

you know who won in this one instance
there's so many more

December 2nd/10th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS III:

IT HAS TO HAPPEN

it has to happen
something has to happen
right here
right now:
words have to appear
on this screen
on this page
of nothingness
(of a nothingness begging to be filled)
(to be colonized)
(this virgin white)
(it wants to be smudged)
(by scribbling inane)
this world here has to be made
has to be written
to be conceived
in a 24/7 kind of rush:
a creator-god
just has to step in
and make
where nothing there was before
and wake
the words from their sleep all so silent
and this all
this monumental act
this cry for help
for meaning
all of this
on this here page
has to happen
quite now:
or maybe, not
what should I care
or should'a?

December 5th/10th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS IV:

AMPLIFIED NOISE

I shall surrender to the music
to the sound of things

sometimes
there needs be a soundtrack to life
an amplifier
taking the background noise
of irreality
and of the things in themselves
as they seem
to be:

the things as such
in their purest, holy ontology
need to be made to appear
their hidden life expressed
(is it ideas, desire, will, memes, or god?
or whatever?)

just let it be seen
just let it be heard
just let it be
for what it all
(really?)
is

December 6th/10th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS V:

CATHOLIC BEER

just visualize:

a fat
beer-brewing
beer-drinking
monk:
(somewhere in Bavaria, assumedly):

at peace
with the world
at peace
with god
at peace
with himself:

for there is always
another day
for there is always
a higher authority (to credit - and blame)
and there is always
another sip
of that unassuming
brew

December 20th/30th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS VI:

KANT

staying in one place
you may only travel
inside your mind:
and your mind becomes
a castle
a refuge
for reason only
and not experience

staying in one place
may give you the peace
inside your mind:
and your mind becomes
a harbor
a meeting place
of ideas
and dreams

however then now
do I want to place
biography
over philosophy?

how much thought
then gets devalued
by the mere
consideration
of possible constraints?

how much humanity
then gets ignored
by the mere
focus
on the rational mind?

I cannot
solve
this puzzle:
yet I can
stand
aback
in amazement

December 20th/30th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS VII:

THEORY II

in order to see
need I
practice
more than
theory?

yet theory
is so much more:
a model
a way but
to see:

how could I see
without knowing
about the mere act then
of seeing?

can I then
honestly claim
to be seeing
innocently
unknowingly
uncorrupted then
by what I know:
by what I have seen quite
before:
?

seeing
is believing
they say

well, maybe then,
theorizing
is just another step
towards an understanding
of sorts:

and just as much practice
as whatever it is
that is done
by the gut
and the heart

December 20th/30th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS VIII:

ACTION

in a world of words
and thinking
and feeling
(none assumed to be positive, of course)
one needs to act
occasionally
once the occasion
shall merit
it:

and be it just
in order then
to demonstrate:
that all this theory
that all this happening inside
still is bound
to a reality
of facts
still shows a bond
with a reality
of deeds irreversible
and a world
of things independent
of what we might think
of what we might wish for
of what we might fear:

and even though
we may indeed
believe in a society
of certain, unalienable rules
and rights:
all can be brought
asunder
torn quite
apart
brought quite, sometimes but,
together:
by action
by deeds
not mere words just
but
by something that happens
by something that's done
by something that's made:

and the word is made flesh
and flesh becomes word

and things
stay in flux

December 23rd/30th, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS IX:

SPECIFICITY

in the assumed
duality
of body
and soul
the latter
arrogantly
claims precendence
and malleability:
what fatal conceit
that rejects
the specificity
of the now
the directness
of being
and the being unique
of life:

we might:
we may:
we could:
we should:
we ought:
we must:
we will:

yes, maybe
but in all of these
possibilities
there remains
quite so often
an omission:
a statement less simple
than might it appear
and sometimes, perhaps quite,
unwanted so
even:

we are

December 31st, 2008

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS X:

FUN WITH SHAKESPEARE

Shakespeare
allegedly
did not know
how to spell
his own
name:

nor others, neither:

Shakespeare
Shakespere
Shakespear
Shakspear
Shaksper
(shack-spear?)
Shag-spere
(shag-spear?)
(sorry)
Shaxberd! (1602)
Shaksberr
Shaks-burr?
Shaksperr!
Shakes peer
Sheik's pier
Sheik's pear
Shakes bear?
(what a mighty fellow)
(a shaker of bears! luring them with pears! then spearing them!)
(no way)

or maybe,
Shakes Beer?
(a secret wish, maybe)

to spell
or not to spell

(nothing in this poem here
is true
well, maybe something)

in the end,
dear William,
imitation and mockery
are signs indeed
of utter reverence

what's in a name
anyway
than the promise
of something
to come

January 5th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XI:

EVERLASTING

you know
(do you?)
how important you are
to me
:
a life
lived alone
is no life
at all
:
an image
is not an image
until
it is perceived
:
a face
is not a face
unless it shows
in a mirror
or to somebody
else
:
the mirror thing
though
would be quite narcissistic
and not to be
recommended
exclusively
:
don't get me wrong
I know
who I am
I know
what I want
I know
I need to live
life
on my own
:
yet
still
I do choose
to share it
with someone else
than my self
:
and you
are
that
which completes
my life
:
and though we might
have days just
some years
whatever makes up
parts merely
of a human life
instead of divine
millennia,
eternity
:
a mere moment
with you
holds so much more meaning
than a millennium
of lonely
eternity
ever could
:
I guess,
this now
is
life

January 30th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XII:

VENTURE

venture shall I
into the realm of possibilities
into the sphere of things yet unseen
by my self
deeds yet undone
by my self
lands not yet walked
by my self
:
and once I am there
shall remain I
a guest
a visitor
a respectful distance
:
or shall I claim possession
as so many else
have done
before
?

February 18th/March 6th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XIII:

OPEN HIP TWIST

how sad
some people will never go
beyond that stage
where forms well-known
are exchanged for others:
however:
that new "level"
is it any better
or simply,
just,
different?

March 3rd/6th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XIV:

MISSING

the scary thing
is not that I am missing you
it's rather
that there are moments
where I am quite fine
all on my own

March 3rd/6th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XV:

OFF

ain't it now strange
how the mind can sometimes quite
be more active
once allegedly turned off
or maybe,
sobriety of thought
is much overrated
and Dionysos
is a god
for a reason

March 3rd/6th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XVI:

A MOMENT IN TIME

the sound of the sea
always approaching
a constant promise
of eternal
arrival

a dive into the ocean
the ape non-aquatic
becoming a different animal
for the briefest
fraction

a day spent with friends
a life so solitary
suddenly immersed
in common
humanity

a day spent outside
the usual walls
a visit to life
in different
forms

the smile of a cat
as he approaches
and welcomes
the affections of another
species

the smile in your face
the sound of your voice
the briefest notion
of lives
united

the briefness of things
the sense of an end
of imminent
constant
departing

how fleeting it all
and yet, how essential

March 8th/11th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XVII:

THE LOCATION OF GOD

I need no building
to find my divinity
need no mountain-top
in order to speak to my god
there's holiness here
wherever I look
and solace, as well as sublimity,
easily to be found
once you care
to want but to see

March 10th/11th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XVIII:

THE STRANGEST THING

the strangest thing
that a bond between two people
can do so much more
than between
a legion of them

that the smallest group
of devoted ones
may bring about change
not dared to believe quite
before

that the focus of life
may well quite be found
not in gestures of uttermost, thundering grandezza majestic
but small moments of truth
and fulfillment

March 17th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XIX:

WITH YOU

you know,
I am not someone
who wants to make themselves
dependent
on somebody
else
(I know about codependence - and I don't quite like it)
I also don't want for you
to be bearing the burden of completing my life
I know I have to do it myself:
and I want to
no, - it simply is
like
that:
I could very well
be living
on my own
it's just much nicer
with you
and there's so many things to discover
with you
and all seems so changed
with you:

so that the thought
of having you near me
immensely makes life much more livable
and the thought
of having to lose you
creates a sense of untenable loss:
so, simply, it's that:
out of so many billions of possible choices
I am quite happy to have found you

for a life shared
is a life that's much better
than a life lived alone:
but you need to be sharing it
with the right kind of person:
and for me
that is you
it's that simple
in its post-romantic, talkative stance:
but I am just happy
to share it
with you

May 18th/24th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XX:

HOSTILE WORLD

I guess
the only thing
you can do
in a world not built for your happiness
is to stay
within the embrace
of your love:
and hope
you'll never lose it
for you'll be damned
if you do

October 12th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXI:

BEAUTY

beauty
is not a banality

sometimes it can be the saving grace
of whatever would otherwise be lost already

a tiny flowering plant
climbing the walls of a rotting house

a little garden spider
spinning the first web after winter

a piece of landscape still unharmed
by the ravaging grasp of humanity

a single human smile
in an otherwise terrifying world

a cat

sometimes, indeed, it is the little things that are big
and the specter of doom
disappears
in the wonders of life

October 15th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXII:

GONE NOW

my mind has left
this scene
and entered quite
another one:

sometimes
we need outside enticement
outside incitement
outside assistance
to be able to see
in a different way

gone fishing
for thoughts
and feelings
all new

hopefully,
never to return
to the dullness
of
normality

October 16th/17th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXIII:

SHOWTIME

there are times
you need to demonstrate
need to indicate
need to vindicate
your worth

shall you now
respect this all?

I know
sometimes, I will have to bow
to outside pressures
outside determinants
and I will do so gladly if worthy they prove

however,
there are times
I am wishing for being a recognized court-jester
for, indeed, sometimes, life can be too insane
to be taken literally

so, do I play along
or frell with the system?

I guess, it'll all depend
(as so much)
on a red wheel-barrow

October 16th/17th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXIV:

ANY DAY NOW

a writer
writes

yet who is reading?

instant gratification
is not a thing
a writer should need:

otherwise,
no work would be done

is work in obscurity
still work?

(anyone
should be allowed a moment
of narcissistic self-reflection
and doubt)

October 16th/17th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXV:

A SUPERMARKET IN AUSCHWITZ

from the depths of history past,
imitation arrives
slyly, slowly,
adapting
to new circumstance:

I saw you, Allen Ginsberg,
ogling Walt Whitman's reflection
in an isle at Wal-mart, presumedly:
but now, imagination has come to an end

for don't you see,
the river of forgetfulness
has very much so arrived
in Europe, so new, and so old:

the new market-place
defies quite the city of god
and the city of citoyens:

you can very much buy
yet your voice
may be bought

in Auschwitz,
there's both a Lidl
and a Kaufland
supermarket

so I am giddy to report:
though with a heavy touch of darkest cynicism:
German business is thriving again
in Oświęcim

October 26th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXVI:

LESS PREMATURE REMARKS
ON A CAT POEM

the cat wants you to believe s/he'd be your master
that, of course, is mostly wrong
yet nevertheless, that does not mean you'd be theirs:
the thing you can wish for
with a cat
is a team of rivals
a team of likewise strong minds
yes, sometimes a cat
may want to be lifted up
and cuddled
sometimes, though,
you may just talk with the cat:
adult to adult
astonishingly,
more often than not,
it seems to be working

October 23rd/28th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXVII:

THE UNIQUENESS OF LOVE

love
is concrete

while you may indeed
generally
be filled
with love
towards all things
(the beauty and pain; all)
I hope

the one you love
like no one else
if truly you love
is irreplaceable
and simply unique

I see no way
of even wanting
to replace my love
with someone "better"
'cause there is none

life
may be indeed a continuum
of ways of staying alive:
yet each
nevertheless
is unique
and not
reproducible

love is unique
I wouldn't want it any other way

October 28th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXVIII:

BEING AND FULLNESS:
A BEING UNTO LOVE

sometimes

the better things in life
are worth hard work
and an effort
and pain
so to
work

chores of life
sucking the life right out of life again

is this Heidegger?
a being which in its being is aware of its own being

this is now:
a love which in its love is aware of its own love

the sudden realization, with slight recursivity, of something immeasurable,
yet nevertheless real to the persons involved:

being
is supposed to just be

love
is supposed to just love

(and thus,
both to be, conjoint)

loving you
is not a hard thing at all
is not an effort, not a chore,
nothing I would suffer too much for:
it just is
and I have accepted, embraced it, and made it my own:

through you
I am aware of my self in my being because of you

put (so much) simpler:
you --- complete --- me

our love then
should be a love aware of its own love in this very own love:

life for the sake of life
love for the sake of love

and in the end,
all questions are answered
and nihilism
is simply gone

but we are
forever

December 20th/25th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXIX:

SLEEP WORK

I am rather annoyed
that I need to sleep
that sleep, quite soon,
will cut me down
in my phase of productivity
and for what?
dreaming - of work
I guess,
it's all a question
of proximate versus ultimate
proximately now, I go to sleep
so that ultimately, then, I'll go back to live

December 22nd/25th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXX:

I DO NOT KNOW

I do not know
where my life is going,
well, I do
it's surely a being unto death,
yet in the meantime,
all bets, or most of them, are off
so if in the end
there is really an end
in the sense of an ending,
and not necessarily a purpose ordained prematurely,
maybe indeed all I can do
is find a purpose
of my own
in all the little moments and things
that can be found
(if you dare to look)
between moments of birth
and moments of death
and maybe, indeed,
not knowing
is a far greater gift
than usually
imagined

December 25th, 2009

मनस् (MANAS) - TRANSCENDENTALS XXXI:

EXPOSITION:

ENTRANCE

ACT ONE: PEDESTRIAN
INTERLUDE ONE: WALKABOUT
ACT TWO: MOUNTAINTOP
INTERLUDE TWO: ROAD/TRIP
ACT THREE: MANIFEST FANTASY
INTERLUDE THREE: ID
ACT FOUR: THE TERATOLOGY OF SPIRIT
INTERLUDE FOUR: WHO
ACT FIVE: ARRIVING AND GOING

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

	PART ONE: PEDESTRIAN PART TWO: MOUNTAINTOP PART THREE: MANIFEST FANTASY PART FOUR: THE TERATOLOGY OF SPIRIT PART FIVE: ARRIVING AND GOING

/

here,
as we are,
as we were,
as we'll be,
we who is us,
who is I,
who is you,
who is them,
who is everyone
and no one;
all,
and everywhere:

there is a path
or maybe not
there is a task
or maybe not
there is a thought
or maybe not
as there is everything
and nothing
here combined
or not
at all

//

in all our
nothings
and all our
nothingness
and everything
and every thing
and every nothing
ever nothing
evermore
and nevermore
in here and there
not there
but here
and here but standing
here but being
here but waiting
awaiting we are
a-waiting
for something
or nothing
to happen
at this intersection
of our lives

///?

the things sublime
the things mundane
the things of substance
the things of nothingness
are one
and the same

///

life's not eas'ly flowing here
life's a journey
whether we like it
or not

sometimes,
it collapses
under its own
weight
its own
meaning
its own
sense of a meaning
sense of collapse
sense of itself
of its limits
of its growth
and of its pain

of pleasure and pain all
of hope and despair all
of this and that
of everything and nothing
of being and not-being
of sense and anti-sense
of everything and its opposite
united
as one:
for everything is contradiction
and everything is unity

// //

all these generalities
all these openings and closings
all these careful ways
of inching closer
through some abstractions
to finally something
approaching concreteness
turning thoughts now
into senses

for we can only understand the particular
within the universal -
and we can only understand the universal
within the particular

I think I can feel it now
I feel I can think it now

// / //

this feeling
of aching
uncertainty:
and a strangest mixture
of painful
smells:

pondering all this,
I feel like in trance
there's roads all around me
everything's nicely controlled
and laid out
the fates
are sealed:
just as the grounds

where does this draw power from,
life, or what?

well, we do spray our little lawns against
weeds
bugs
worms

and occasionally,
we have a little genocide
or two

do we not also
put chlorine
in the water?

have grown too accustomed we
to have become death
the destroyer of worlds?

maybe I need
some perspective:
so screams my inner animal
in id's cage

I: IN THE DITCH

here I am now
right here
can't you see me?
can you see me?
can you please see me?
don't just
pass me
by
rushing by
at a speed inhumanly
I cannot even see your face
as you drive by
in your monstrosity
your windows tinted
so that your pristine persona not become tainted
by the complexities
of life:
and also,
so that you can have
your precious
little
privacy

like soon-to-be roadkill
I am standing next to the lifeblood
of civilization
next to the motorized herd
truly, one of Culture's Great Events
I would be part of that
were my car not broken down
of course, I was sad once it happened
now, though,
standing here
broken down
watching
the horde of insanity-inanity
rushing by
and missing everything around
I feel
slow
may be the new fast
out
may be the new in
and life
has to be found someplace entirely different

so, how the Jackson did we get here?

II: JAYWALKING THE FREEWAY

gotta pass

gotta get over

gotta succeed

there are no real barriers to this small section of life
only the movement of cars
a barrier
that is merely statistical:
like the presence of an electron in its atom
is just a flurry of probabilities
it nevertheless
"creates" a sphere
of influence
so this flood of cars here
lots of spaces in between
but their speed and very multitude
a barrier form
a line
not to be crossed:
or if so, at your very own peril

here, the city
there, the wild
between, the howling herd

gotta go
gotta become animal
more than human
recover
those instincts
I used to wish had been lost
but here they are
(no, this is not at all like playing Frogger)
(well, maybe, a tad)
(tiddy-tad)
(a tad-let)
anyhoo
let's goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand
weeeeeeeee're
there
finally

the drivers looked more scared than me, actually
or envious?
for I have escaped
to the other
side

III: THE OTHER SIDE

to be honest
I've just passed one tiny freeway
moving East, from Interstate Freeway Number 5
in Oregon
it's not really civilization's end
it's not really going all looking for a hut near a pond
and having fun with Thoreau's Walden
or with a drifter called Thoreau
to add a level of amusement
and depravity
to our little
transgressive
quasi-revolutionary act

there's plenty of highly evolved
and highly valuable
artifices of civilization all around
GAS FOOD LODGING
EXXON DAIRY CREAM MOTEL6
(Exxon sent their Valdez to a mission of destruction)
(A dairy cow would might not approve
of seeing what would be made of its milk)
(comfortable sleep is a different idea)
the very brightest and bestest quite now
modern life here has to offer
the reason, moreover,
to remove
an indigenous world
so that
we
would enjoy civilization:
a prospect of a better world
a heavenly utopia
an everlasting dream

let's go figure,
in this road trip safe on our desks
unsafe but with the library nearby
(thoughts and reflections, truest knowledge ever unsafe)
(the best libraries are never safe)

I am looking back
at a life
of
fixed expectations
clear understandings
of roles and of rolees

I am looking back
at civilization
it has given me
the water closet
and other stuff
the television
for stories that maybe could also just simply be
written down or told
(have I been conditioned to the visual form?
by whom? by which forces?)
would these ghoulish forces not shape it? make it? fake it so?
(I hear, some people can't even read properly anymore;
anyway

a culture that's already immature
(what's mine is mine -
even if I came into the world rather naked)
is fed (up or down?)
with toys electronical
playing to our most immature instincts
(look at me! this is what I like!
this is what I am doing right now! look at me!)
just you look at me!
I'm bleeping important!
(only if looked at)
I am nothing
without my followers
and in the end
who knows
who else
can be
stupid
indeed..

when I grow up
I will leave all childish things behind me

we are still waiting

meanwhile, I am confused
nevertheless

but maybe
this had to be
expected

rushing out
into the kind-of-wild
I long to seek another fetish of modernity:
authenticity!!!!!

IV: IRREALITY

some roads are real
others, metaphorical
they carry you behind
the known
behind
the assumedly real

allons-y

V: MEANDERING

let us rest now for a little while
we have traveled
for a bit

maybe now
there'll be a moment
to take in
what we have seen
what we have heard
what we have learnt
(well, hopefully, we have)

I don't know what to say, actually
maybe I even needn't
sometimes, learning happens best
in silence

how else
would you mourn
all those
who've come before you?

have we not built
our current existence
over the tombs of everything before us?

we fuel our lives
with matter and ideas past
what matters now
is
this:

can keep we the fire
without burning
the woods?
for we'll always be needing the woods

little apes are we
all grown up now
(we think)
(in reality, we might be infants still)
(ask me in a thousand years)
(I wish)
thinking we
that we've left
the woods
and still:
our nature
cannot be left
at the doorstep of a supermarket in California
looking for Trout Fishing in America:
all it takes

is

VI: BLUNDERING

we do not know
we'll never
know

we may guess
our guesses may be good
who knows

should we
now
pretend?

VII: ASCENT

now that we've cleared
the vicinity
of the highway
of human-made pathways:
we can see clearly now
there's a mountain
in sight

are there stairs? an escalator? an elevator? a lift?
not likely:
nature knows no shortcuts
like these

we could go around
but somehow,
mountains have always been
magical

a strangest lure:
a possible vision:
the possibility of a vision
of see and be seen
exploratory, and narcissistic

there is a mountain in sight
maybe also
we could come closer
to the skies?
to a heaven

even?

could we even
get to heaven?

could we even
become equal
to heaven?

could we even
remake heaven
on earth
at all?

could we even
even things out,
even out the distance
between humanity
and divinity?

it has been some time
that theogony -
the idea of humans becoming gods -
has been part of our vocabulary;
yet instead,
we have acted
as if:
and yet,
is this truly an ascent
or merely delusion?
are we
who we think we could become?
or are we
what we have just always been?

imagine a future of humanity we
while not even being able
to secure
that we will have a future at all

VIII: INEBRIATE/DELIBERATE

we still can dream
we've always been dreamers
we've always been makers
always creators
always involved
in the making
of ideas and things:

but whatever is made
in an act of poiêsis
where should it come from?

a moment of pretension
construction
and sincerest
deliberation?

maybe

a moment of spontaneity
of reasonable doubt
(and unreasonable, too)
and authenticity?

both
are
fetishes

would you really like to
pretend
that spontaneity
and inebriation
are more genuine
than serious
thought?

IX: SOMETIMES, PERHAPS

sometimes
(?)
I wonder

some people
seem to have arrived
at the very top

indeed?
do I see myself
getting there?

top
may be
relative

there surely are those
who are rarely
questioned

(hush)
if
(hush hush)
at
(hush hush hush)
all
(did any body hear that?)

it seems as if
certainty
is all we can think about

how can I now
express
what I cannot express?

I may not
I can not
I should not

or
maybe

should I pretend
certainty
where there can only be the tentativeness
of a moment
of humility?

perhaps

what more terrible word has ever been spoken?

I sincerely believe
in all modesty
given all cultural complexities
and sensitivities
that we
simply
should sometimes just
(now, hush or shout?)
(a careful shout)
(maybe just normal speech, a bit muted)
GROW - well, - SOMETHING
(or maybe louder, if you like):
for if we don't believe,
how can we achieve?
does take it then
the will to power?
oh, I see trouble ahead
yet again

X: WALK AWAY

am I
the selection of the Is internal
that one now
that single one
alone

I don't care
I have better things
to do
to think about
to desire
to conceptualize (is this even a word? maybe one of these dirty
academician's words
makes me all dry inside
insidious
how they insist upon thinking
instead about, maybe, doing)
it
- - -
but I
distract
I theorize
against theorizing
that should, might win me some points somewhere?

and no:
not every walkabout
deserves to be taken seriously:
it is on a different plane of reality altogether entirely

whatever that means

I believe
we are already on the mountain
and something strange
has happened:
do we embrace it
evade it
enthralled we are by it -
yet should we not
maybe
move on?

something has happened here
I would say
we leave it here
and go on

for anyone
(in theory)
is free
to make their own judgments
and act upon them
(or at least they should)
(should they?)

so let us follow back to the road:
we need to find a road:
without a road,
would lost not we be?
would we not
go lost,
if returned we
into the woods?

am I
the selection of the Is internal
that one now
that single one
alone
dejected
displaced
out of place
now
an I
as an I would be assumed to be
once it leaves
the communion of "I"s
and simply is
: a function if the I thrown quite upon its self
the self?
it gets weirder with the lines
progressing
can the I
claim to be an I
alone?
and I'm not talking (yet) about the id
or over-"I"s that I'm not wanting:
but about the community of "I"s
inside my self
these versions of my I
that know each other -
sometimes, sometimes not -
I hear you speaking
hear you talking loudly
in my self
no, whisper now,
and come together
you, strangely elfin creature, with utmost beauty shining through
you, familiar boyish ignorant one, still so much there that could be explored
my angel, my demon:
both now
with all the others I am not aware of now
all now
do
(what for ever needs doing,
not standing just there)
do take your hands
and all in all
what needed we
what thought we have that needed we
we're needed less by others
we're needed more
by ourselves
by our selves
having detached the self we
from by what we have done
by what we do
so very well:
forget

maybe then
we should remember
as a communion of "I"s all assorted
and we should wake
and make
what we can
- maybe not that again -
but we should
rather than quibble squabble babble
do something
get out
walk out
walk out of the prison of our own quite a making
and see the world
and feel the world
and be the world
for once

right now

XI: UPON A HILL

we've all hoped
we've all struggled
maybe not individually
but certainly
"as a people"

and here we are
here we stand
on our own hilltop
whither
now?
is this it?
is there maybe a peak much higher
within our grasp?
or should we revise
our search
after all?

theory
is not always easier
than practice

XII: CLOUDS

amidst our lofty de-libations
and all delib'rate negotiations
some clouds have come up
thunderheads
maybe
let us be prudent

XIII: DESCENT

sometimes
down
is indeed faster
than up

and yet
my joints are hurting
I broke a sweat when climbing
now, I'm hurrying down
narrow path
a road in sight
almost
some branches in my face
long grass
ticks?
rustling
a bear?
a puma?
thunder, quietly, but steadily
there it is

but the road seems different
it's not the same one
I am confused
and yet
here I am

XIV: AS IF

it seems as if
we are going
down

I apologize for the inconvenience,
I would not have preforeseen the utter difficulties
this would have entailed:
you shudder, you seem distraught somehow,
may I suggest
the word
bedraggled?

I am sure
you came here
believing you'd be on your own;
yet here, it's clear
and you cannot evade now:
Iktómi, the trickster, will take you now
with him:
the strangest tale
the wildest ride:
but never just for entertainment:
for such endeavors are vain

no, entertainment is an empty concept:
what would then the purpose be?
have you asked your friends and strangers,
what is it they seek from a story:
they may declare: entertainment: indeed
but what does that mean?
what does it do?
what might then the philosophical meaning of entertainment be?
nada
zip
zilch
an empty brain
staring at an empty screen?

a wonder
of technology:
and yet:
without reading it correctly,
it does not really do
anything

garbage (on the couch) in
garbage (on the couch) out

focus group shmokus group

anyway
are you now
properly
physically
grounded
my dear?

life
is less of an option
than suspected at youth
it is very concrete
hardly ever universal

don't you want to
make it count?

as if
yes, as if

it is about whether you can accept a proposition
an invitation to think and to do
or not

the entire world could be there for your understanding and amusement
and even there for the taking
if you only understood
the question:
instead of
just wanting
to be entertained

maybe this here exercise
is proving to be
a waste
of time

nevertheless
shall we just give up?

XV: SPIRITED, SOMEHOW

how could I give up?
so many others before me
could have done so
much more easily

maybe, indeed, insanity is the repetition of things
expecting a different result

and yet:
so much of life is routine
repetition
tedious
stuff

and double-yet:
who knows what's without?
I know about life
(much less than I'd like to admit)
all I know about death:
there's nothing that's come back
should I not cling
to what's here
even though,
granted,
it's below our expectations, occasionally?

I can end it any day
I can decide when it is enough:
that is enough
for me
now:
it provides some perversest solace
to know
I could end it:
and I won't
just because of that very own fact:
in the face of an escape,
let's explore some more,
let's live some more

surely, we're not the first or only ones to suffer
indeed

XVI: LITTLE BLUE DOTS

cannot quite
go down the hill
and yet, going up ain't an option either
I feel caught
between bushes
of huckleberries
little blue dots
I start collecting
start hunting
for berries
berries
delicious
berries
blue dots everywhere
why can't I let go?
how could I let go!
when all there is
around me so
the promise
of a real tasting
berry
islands of blue
in a sea of green
I guess I will be lingering
some more
for the sake
of berrying

XVII: CUT OFF

do I now
return

to what

I know I have to
somehow

need to stop
this obsession with wilderness
this wilderness with obsession

but where
do I go?

must have
lost
my bearings

I know I will have to wash the berries
before eating
them

the benevolence of nature
is an illusion:
I remember
a reason
for civilization

the allure of the untamed
of the raw
of the primal
:
the comfort of predictability
of the cooked
of the refined

how I do adore the songs of these here birds
chicka dee dee dee
caw caw
and all:

though I miss these rock pigeon sounds
(absurd little creatures they are)

and most of all,
the sound of a symphony

does this make sense?

XVIII: RELATIVE

happiness
may not be as totalitarian
as always proclaimed:
I value my bouts of depression
and doubt
so that the moments of happiness
are even more genuine
and lasting:

it all depends
on how you relate

all this

XIX: OBSCURITY

I do blend in
behind these bushes,
I may as well feel like a bear
or Sasquatch
(who might be a bear as well)

here, I'm just an insignificant part
conscious
that the trees are taller
the bears are stronger
and that I might be stepping into a nest of wasps

obscured
by these woods
my humanity
is questions
my animality
revealed

XX: RETREAT

I suddenly realize
this here
is not where I belong
I am an intruder
an animal
that has lost his path
but cannot go back
to the woods

they should be left to be themselves
just as my self
is rooted now
in a different place

everybody talks
about Henry David Thoreau
having lived
in the woods
away
from civilization

yet he built a cabin
and the woods were not that far away
and most of all
he did return

he knew:
or had to find out:

we've become something else

we only can take with us
the spirit

and we cannot go home again
to the woods
only visit
in order
to leave

some ways
are weirder than others

some roads
are straighter than they should be

some trips
lead to nowhere in particular

or to somewhere
we'd rather like to forget

XXI: CONTROL

I guess,
everyone's allowed their little
fantasies

with so many uncertainties
abounding
surrounding us

how do you not want
to
create control?

some fantasies
are more manifest
than others

some destinies
are more contrived
than others

shall we
entertain
a notion of progress?

that little mammalian species
believing themselves
to be the pinnacle of everything:

we're naming things, believing in license from god
we're grasping things, believing in license from god
we're seeing things, believing in license from god

how can
this be
sane?

XXII: THE RIGHT MIND

the right mind
or the wrong mind
who decodes?
who decides?

some directions
are more direct
than others

some codes
more appropriate
than others

should I not
appropriate
when I believe
it ain't appropriate
to not to?

whenever I am in the right mind
I will tell you

if not,
I probably am not

have I told you that?

do I seem to care?

XXIII: OUTSIDE

how much can you know another person?

XXIV: INSIDE

how much can you know yourself?

XXV: FREUDIAN SOLITUDE

and so it appears
that in all my longing
and searching
I may have
underestimated
the benefit
of loneliness
:
for it is, quite often so,
that in a state of deprivation
of desolation
and despair
our inner depravity
obviates
it-self:

while the rational
mind
may see right through
our definite charades
and call them out for what they are
it is
in our unconscious cave
that we
may indeed be
more us
than otherwise
acknowledged:
i.e.
be led to knowledge
that ledge
that we very much know
about:

in ratio, we will, shalt not dare
but in solitude-infested irrationality,
we may,
must,
should
leap

dreams
deep
down

we
know

XXVI: HO EROS TOU THANATOU

[Tsunami hits Japan 03/11/11, 8.9 Richter scale of destruction]
[nuclear reactors on overload]
[can we save it?]
[can we save?]
[can we?]
[can?]

in the face of all that destruction
and desolation
resulting:
water meets earth
shaken up
heavily
and the elements of physics
exposed

swimming in the waves
with debris
babies
arms
legs
fetuses
hope
despair
decry:
where is your agency, self-appointed master of the universe?

akin to a cosmic joke
a brutal one
and a reminder
that being god means to be above things
and not caught up
in between them:

and yet:
we
so
soooooooooooooo
like to
believe
we're it

we've named all the creatures and plants
mountains and deserts
meadows and dales
oceans and rivers
creeks and the lakes:

our history
is written down
and sometimes told
by authorized voices
at times predetermined:
but known it well is:
and it leads
to somewhere
over the rainbow
maybe, returning, in an everlasting circle of life
or, progressing, in an ever-increasing march of betterment:
mind over matter
in cases both
we shall prevail

and should we not?

(the most impressive dominator of the earth has been the dinosaurs)
(in all their might)
(now)
(the birds)
(are a cute, but diminutive shadow of Tyrannosaurus Rex)
(the King is dead, long live its court-jesters, tweeting)

(but still)

(insects, algae, single-celled ones)
(still around)
(will be so, presumedly)

in our totalitarian embrace of all life
have we become death, destroyer of all,
dear Dr. Oppenheimer,
and have we not learned
to love
that symbol of our times:
the bomb,
dear Dr. Strangelove,
have we not learned to love
what drives us to death,
dear Dr. Freud:

the psycho-analysis
of this species of man
reveals
an unprecedented and depraved indifference to life;
be it human or not:
no wonder
the will to live
meets the will to die
on an equal footing
and in an embrace
that is almost
romantic:

humankind's folly
about the dominion of the universe proper
is anything but that (proper)
but a delusion
a sickness
a curse:

maybe, we, ourselves,
are the curse
and it deserves us well, some people might think

and then, one word just suffices:
suffering;
and the ethical demandment:
to end or alleviate it

we are, of course, completely screwed up
and follow Ozymandias:
and yet:
to give up hope
won't be an improvement

XXVII: MANIFEST

this is simply the way it is
there is nothing that can change it
you cannot tell me to do anything I would not want to do
life is predescribed and settled
and all
will be
under control
and safe
and certain
and
manifestly
so

XXVIII: DESTINY

there is a path
that's certain, proven
undebateable
and sure:
and staying
means life
and straying
means death

salvation's just
around the corner

don't see you
the rainbow
almost
within your reach?

go for it.
why not.

XXIX: MISSION

sending ye out
to spread distortions and lies
a salvation not yours to promise
based upon
false hopes
and a lack of
critical thinking:
and yet
it makes y'all
feel good
in your holy holies
and god be with yous:
how do you know?
how do you dare?
why can't you leave everyone alone?
(I guess, this one is really personal)

how come
that those who missionize
do not even know
do not even care
do not even want to see
the other
as themselves:
the only truth there is

XXX: CUSTERFUCK

Custer -
- ah, fuck.

this is complicated?

you have this guy
coming from the Civil War thinking he's a hotshot and all
and of course
he sees
that he happens to be in a culture of
minifest destiny
he can't contain this
urge
so what do you do
you fuck-
- Custer style
and get fucked up in return

and, by the way,
Quintili Vare, legiones redde

the id
the primal
the raw
and uncooked
how I long, so many times, to see thee
(and once I've done it, the dance of repression)
it is just as nice to know you're an animal
as it is nicer even to forget this again

should I not be on the road to sanity?
is there even doubt regarding the direction of history?
should not the id disappear?
have we not tried to repress it
by repressing notions of imaginary barbarism and genociding our way out
onto the Hegelian trajectory of messianic civilizational verkackte salvation?

wash your hand, dear
our id could resurface
any moment
wash your hand, dear
little Pontius
you might need it someday
to absolve you

some day
when Claudius demands
that all the poisons lurking in the mud hatch out

id still lingers
id just wants to play
maybe we should be
ignoring it
hasn't quite worked that well
(historically speaking)

and see,
I'm looking at the news
there id is
again?

XXXI: FAITH

faith
preserver of hope
maintaining insanity
man-staining errantry
irrational inanity
trust not in what (in truest positivist form)
can be measured, observed, quantified, qualified, believed,
understood
versus what can only be "believed" as a dogma

I do not like emperors without clothes
I need a philosopher on the throne
or someone
philosophizing the throne

faith
is too sacred a concept
to be wasting it away on the unthinking, unfree totalizing crowd
faith only works
in conjunction
with its alter ego:
antithesis

only in critical interplay
will we find truth:
and it may not be
what we've been looking for

XXXI: LOVE

you would
perhaps
in all
probability
be expecting
a road
to be
leading
some-
where

ideally,
this would be a home
a belonging
a feast
for the senses
that - once the poisons in the mud hatched out -
could finally
bring sustenance
to a world of peace
and love
and trust
and no fear:

to few, a reality,
a heaven on earth,
if you can find it

and yet,
some may live in utopia
while others can only theorize it
inspire towards it
and hope
dies
last

the builders
rarely get to live
in the house they built:

Moses very much knew this

XXXI: UTOPIA

oh,
it sounds so easy
and quite so convincing:
for is there not
a perfect idea
of the idea of the perfect
quite around the corner?

is there not a way
to circumvent reality
and make it un-reality
so quite:
by hoping
and believing
and loving
just truth:
shan't we overcome?
believing, you are not alone?

XXXI: ATLANTIS

and then, there will be the naysayers
the critics
the cynics
the number-crunchers
and pencil-pushers
the questioning ones
the contrary opinions
the independents
and professional problematizers:
how dare you
speak up against our dream
how dare you
speak up against our hope faith love
we know what is perfect
we know what is good:
you must now
be
the other

XXXI: AND THEN, THE GOD SAID...

We do not know how the god decided in the battle between Ancient Athens and Atlantis. We can only guess that Plato did not want us to know, and have us guess, and through guessing, arrive at the truth. Maybe he just thought, fuck it, this is not working. Had Sid Meyer invented Civilization back then already, who knows - Plato may have just started yet another game. Maybe I should too. Be my own deus ex machina. Am I?

XXXI: THE GOOD FIGHT

as the world is turning
night is turning into day
day is turning into night
dark is turning into bright
bright is turning into dark
yin is turning into yang
yang is turning into yin
in endless embrace, and constant a harmony
of Manichaean-Augustinian drift:
a song that is sung
continuously
seemingly sustaining
all that is:
as the world is turning
panta rhei - quite everything flows

"fortune rota volvitur:
descendo minoratus;
alter in altum tollitur;
nimis exaltatus
rex sedet in vertice
caveat ruinam!
nam sub axe legimus
hecubam reginam"

up is down
down is up
good is bad
bad is good
:
somehow, I feel,
the very notion of utopia
is much more difficult
than it originally seemed

XXXI: HELL ON EARTH

so maybe
in order to create our utopia
it may be important
to make sure
that such mistakes cannot happen:
the world should turn just once
this one true revolution
after that, we'll all be happy
day stays day, and night stays night
and we'll easily find
the forces of darkness
that so tirelessly work
at reminding us of reality
to be standing at the doorstep:
we do not need to listen to you
we can quite effectively
create a new language even
in new a language, new a science,
shall declare we
what we need
to make our vision
stay strong:
and what could possibly go wrong?

XXXI: CIRCLE

somehow
I feel
I've completely lost sight of the road
was there a road?
haven't I crossed it?
haven't I found
some kind of forest path
gotten lost
in the wilderness
oh, what was I looking for in the wilderness, anyway!

I'm human
(I think)
I'm too far removed,
not saying, humans are civilized, we ain't, but
to live in the forest
like that,
come on
I can't go full circle
I can't go back
I would go lost
if I returned
and probably, so will we all
well, most of us, if we returned

in this labyrinth of life
any structure imposed
by a human imperator
would be laughable
yes, it all looks so high and mighty and all
and we may even severely damage
the ecosystem in the process
well,
the dinosaurs
were much more impressive
they weren't just a blink
on this total timeframe
and look at them now
little birdies
if at all
and times past
look at us
for the ruins of Persia, India, Egypt, Greece, Rome,
Pueblo Bonito, Tikal, Tenochtitlán, Cuzco, Celilo, Cahokia
all the splendor
must have been magnificent

and now
all that remains
is stones out of whack
for surely the Romans did not build ruins for the ruins' sake
they built cities
a shining city upon seven hills
with water
sewage
heating
and some elevators
(and slaves):
look at it now
hasn't been that long, has it

are we coming
full circle?
we may
console ourselves with the thought
that we've transplanted
the narrative of civilization
of Romanization
(listen to me! is not every German a wannabe Roman?)
((Anglo-Saxons are Germans too, but are they the new Romans?))
into almost
the whole world
and yet, still,
Rome was considered to be quite the whole world
Britain was never seeing a setting sun
and its Doctor's patrolling the universe in our fictions still -
- is not an empire's end transcended by its stories all inevitable?
a truest regeneration indeed, full circle,
time and dimensions relative all
and all in its space -
in all our human delusions
we forget
that the circle is always there

and what a simple circle it is:
Sun goes up
Sun goes down
Night and Day
Earth goes 'round the Sun
every year
suns expand
they light up
get dark
and dead
solar systems end
like galaxies all
universes expand
some maybe collapse
and what then?

all that has meaning now
has meaning for now
and the relative now

the rest
is only for the Ozymandiases of the world

I may well hope
that what I do
what I write
what I depict
can stand the test of time

but which time
and in which circle?

in the end,
we should have lived
and made life possible
and better
and not death

given that death is inevitable
it is our task
to fill
everything else
with life
for as long
as we possibly can
so that we can say

it may have been a circle that has ended now
but you can clearly see from the vainest traces of it all
that it was a circle
of life

"O Fortuna,
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
egestatem,
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem."

XXXI: ROADBLOCK

I've
come upon something
that I simply;
no;
it's not possible to
move any further
there's simply no way
I will want to
but I
can't

this is where all poetry stops:
and all formality
merely pretension

sometimes,
we are so deluded into believing that there's always
a way
that somehow
we may still go through that
yeah, it's a construction zone, but
my car will make it
and they might be lying at us
the signs are all wrong
so maybe I'll try it
there's surely never anybody coming through here
conditions can't be that bad
till
you end up
at a river
with no bridge
or
a steep canyon
and you can't get across
you have to
make a detour
go around
because
sometimes
oh, so many times,
nature
simply intervenes
and when we think we can, we can't
we think, with wisdom, all that פֿאַרקאַקטע education
hope
faith
belief
we can somehow
mock
nature
god
whatever it is
do ut des
I give, so that you may give
yes, we've been trying to bribe our god
of course, we see our god as something
of a cartoon
of a father figure
a tyrant that can be appeased
but if there's anything approaching god
it can only be nature

nature doesn't care
why should it?
you can look at nature,
you can get ideas from nature,
you can destroy nature to a certain point
but
given that we live in nature
that is kind of asinine,
don't you think?
I mean, we can call the shots here
we can kill everything
every single species
we can wipe everything off the planet -
show me a functioning spaceship, we don't have it
and there's no one gonna pick us up
and sure, there's aliens
and I'm sure also rather that
if some alien would come, pass by,
and see a planet of people stupid enough to destroy it
by destroying it, destroying themselves,
begging to be rescued
oh, you know, they wouldn't deserve it
because we would repeat our mistakes
it's not like this is the first time around
we've seen
cultures die
and only in our arrogance
do we believe that we're an exception
but we're not
and after we've killed everything
we also will die
but we will never kill everything
there'll always be a tiny microbe
maybe
some lizard
maybe
a cat
a mouse
a bird, somewhere,
a fish
a whale
some shrimp
some plankton
algae
that's plenty to repopulate
without these idiots
we'll just be the sixth or whatever-th extinction
the planet has seen
so many more
and we, although we may feel it, are nothing special
no
'cause evolution
is god
is the real world
that
is the truly Hegelian principle
evolution, nature, will find a way
and if
something
is not able to prevail
because of stupidity
and lack of adaptation
then
evolution
knows what to do

are we at the outs?
I'd rather not see
Shakespeare be forgotten
or rather, without due modesty,
I'd rather not see myself
be forgotten
but that
might well happen
(who am I kidding - it will)

so, maybe,
you should try the dinosaurs again?
funny, these animals didn't quite work out, you thought too,
a detour
we may be one ourselves
or even much more:

for we are surely on the path
to become quite a roadblock
that is preventing everyone else
from living their life
from biggest, baddest polar bear
to the tiniest bee
and mightiest, cuddliest, fanciest cat

for this is where all our civilizational hope
seems to have gotten us
thus far:

WE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF OURSELVES

the oldest question, seemingly
seeking an answer to identity
a way to narrow down
the path
the road
to the self:
to the question
of the self
and the name
that holds dominion
over it:
the question
of "who"
is a question
of "what":

what is it you do
what is it you can do
what is it you will do
(what is it you did do)
that now shalt define you
when asking for who
and then
quietly
the question moves away
again
into the "why"

as there always has to be a why
as the why is inherent in the ethics of who and of what:
you might say, it is an imposition
to be asking that
at this very juncture
this very moment
of closure attempted
certainties stated
walls now enclosing
a self-assured "what"
in a self-contained "when":
oh, yes, why not raise another question:
when is who what and why
and not
the road to identity
too frequently seen as a frivolous one
or as an easy one
is revealed herein
as quite the production
deserving footnotes and shit

XLII: NEVER HOME EVER: THE ROAD ACROSS THE SEA

this is not my original home
I am hailing from far, far away
the motherland, the fatherland,
the mother, the father, the land,
so distant now, obscure even
dangling on the thinnest of threads:
technology:
and the means to fly across an ocean;
for there is the road across the sea
that has started this all
the pleasure and pain all
the pain and the pleasure all
the suffering
the killing
the robbing
the fighting
the killing
the demonizing
the removal
the diminishing
the intermixing
the lies and distortions:
the killing:
but also:
the hopes
the dreams
the atonement
and now:
I have arrived much, much later:
and carry a whole different curse with me:
I agree with Wiesengrund: After Auschwitz, the notion of poetry
sounds perverse
in itself:
this is why none of these are poems
just outbursts, raging rambles;
yes, I understand rap very much so;
the aesthetics of anger:
fuck aesthetics,
fuck style,
fuck pretension:
I have never written true poetry
but rap in the waiting:
the outcry of the suffering animal:
you cannot contain this:
my old country is gone
and my new one should never become re-made by it:
maybe I am an American now
a new man
not quite less complicated
but filled with hope so much more
I embrace the new Lazarus
(an old empire arisen anew)
and the new colossus:
and I am, somewhat abashedly,
agreeing
and feeling a new home
while the old one is fading
and desperately trying
for the new
not to have swallowed too much of the poison of the old
one day, it may hatch out, warns me Claudius again
as the wheel is turning

XLIII: RISE AND FALL

is there not
in any rise
implied but a fall
and a sense of an ending
hanging over the entire enterprise
sending its notions of death
out into the wilderness:
who then could not possibly see what is going on?
the dialectics of the falling rise, or the rising fall?

seems it now
our happiness
is only a brief moment
an aberration
a fluke, almost:
maybe even unreal:
an errant flame on an errand of joy
in the middle of the road
unmoved, maybe moving
a momentary roadblock
a statement of life
against the machinery of death:
maybe just a tiny flower:
and another one right next to it:
close, very close, almost cuddling
brief a season only
dangers all around
knowing, this can be it
at any, rude moment
then live in the moment:
live for the moment:
live for the now
live now
in
zen

XLIV: WANT WITHOUT WANTING

wanting something in itself
seems like an impulse most natural
and yet
it governs your life
heightens your suffering
removes you
from endless potentiality
to something very mundane and specific:
you may want
but not by wanting it:
this road we are on
is one of obsession
of misdirection
of wants not our own
and words that are traitors
to our thoughts:
shall we then
want
by not wanting?

XLV: HAVE WITHOUT HAVING

can truly we have
without having?
don't we put too much of an emphasis on possession
so that we are possessed by it all in return?
have we learnt how to have
and unlearned how to be,
Dr. Fromm?

XLVI: THE IMPERIAL TRAVELLER

maybe we're having too much:
but how else can we be put on the map?

I've always loved maps
ever since I can remember

I have been thinking in maps
all my life

it has become so normal:
seeing nations travel in time

some appear, rise, shrink, disappear
it can look quite impersonal so

sometimes, I see the attraction
(the emperor within?)

of rising powers, growing dominions
(and I do frequently play a game of Civilization, on the side)
(as I imagined Plato would be doing as well if he could)

it's so easy, you see? so clean, analytical, detached
(all invisible now death, disease, and genocide)

and I am quite now enjoying the imperial fruit:
and can travel accordingly

I can conquer on my own all my personal white spots on the map:
and become a grateful accomplice

when travel I through Roma Aeterna
and live I on formerly Indian lands

strange, how I don't want any part of how this came to be:
but am still a grateful participant -
and accomplice willy-nilly(-willy?)

XLVII: STAYING POWER

life's full of options, they say
but sometimes, you need to choose,
need to stop,
need to leave the road,
and find a place,
and call it home:
and all the options that once seemed open
are closing day by day
and night by night, you wonder, maybe:
these dreams deep down, where have they gone?
can I recover from these roads untraveled?
how can this be, how can this be my life?
the toughest thing, it seems, by now:
to stay, and live, and simply,
be

XLVIII: ONE BY ONE

being means choices
choices but don't come without consequences
you know that, you know?
but for every single one of them
there'll be a growing awareness
that a choice for something
is a choice against something else
a choice for somebody
is a choice against somebody else:
and neither space nor time are helping:
and some roads you do not choose
and one road, we cannot avoid:
so one by one
you say your good-byes
whether now, or later;
whether suddenly, or bit by bit:
so that one day
finally
you'll have to say your final good-bye
to yourself

IL: LETTING GO

here I am now
right here
can't you see me?
can you see me?
can you please see me?
don't just
pass me
by
or maybe, do
just go on
you're still on your road
and I
will be staying
right here:
maybe, what you could do, is remember:
and not let go of this simple trace too soon
while I do not have a choice
and can only embrace it
as the inevitable:
so that there will be peace, at least
in the end

L: IMPERFECTION

sometimes
you set out
on the perfect voyage:
only to discover
you have been chasing
an imperfect ghost,
a shadow of what could have been:
but cannot be
quite so

pondering all this,
I feel like in trance
there's roads all around me
everything's nicely controlled
and laid out
the fates
are sealed:
or maybe not,
but they are finite in the end:

make of this
as you wish:
and remember
the road you are on
and also:
if you were lost,
could once you return then?

August 4th, 2014 / revised in parts: June 22, 2022