POEMS GROUP 25: YOGA

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS I:

THE DEEPEST LOVE

the deepest love
knows no conditions
knows no secrets
knows no limits
it simply is
and always will be
without a question
without a doubt
without a thought about an end
except the terminal departure,
the source of greatest tragedy

I'm not possessed
I'm not seduced
I'm not controlled
I'm not cajoled:

I simply am
and so are you
a two-ness eternal
a telos in itself, a destiny:

we did not meet
we found each other
and every step we'd taken before
had led to this moment
of recognition:
I was looking for you
even before I met you
and when I met you,
I knew I had found you

and so we are
and so we'll be
till one of us
can only be
inside the mind of the other:
but in this telos lies the beginning:
you are my morning star, my guiding light, my sun, my moon, my galaxy:
and as we lead our ordinary lives
this meaning celestial
is lighting
our way

April 23rd/26th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS II:

ONE MOMENT IN TIME
(一期一会)

(see also: poetry reading video)

what we are
it is
what it is

there is nothing here
and everything

we are not meant to last
and yet we want to

this
is foolish desire

for meaning
lies in the fleeting,
not in permanence

in the end
in the beginning
we are
and we'll be

there has to be an end
in order for a beginning to matter

one moment in time
is all we ever have
in this cruel and beautiful life

each moment
unique
and not to be wasted

一期一会

一期一会 - ichi-go ichi-e: one moment, one meeting: an idea from Zen Buddhism in which every single moment counts. It can translate as "One moment, one meeting".

May 30th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS III:

THIS ENDLESS AND MADDENING TIME

this endless and maddening time
creeps into everything
fills with inanity
fills with insanity
all in its wake

all in its waking state
all in its dreaming state
all in its nothingness, fullness, or in-between:

goes all to nothingness
leaden with meaning all
leaden with meaningless daily routine:

as truth and lie here all combine
as truths and lies are intermingled
interchanged and intertwined:

all we know and all we lack
becomes it one
becomes the same
becomes an unbecoming whole:

and in its wake
is waiting insanity
filled with inanity
creeps into everything
time in its maddening endless abyss

June 12th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS IV:

TO UNDERSTAND THE WORLD

how it would be
if finally we
could claim to comprehend
whatever it is
that daily surrounds us?

are choosing we
to blissfully ignore
all that life has to offer

in joy and in pain,
in bliss and damnation,
in promise and anguish,
in safety and danger,
both heaven and hell?

in this all-twisted world
you cannot have one
without the other
for too long a time

the path of life
if long enough
will lead us through all
in spite of our bestest intentions

now, seeing all this,
do we then choose
that knowledge is better
than ignorance?

once knowledge we choose,
how much of a Faustian bargain
should willing we be to sometimes embrace?

or should we yield to ignorance,
or blissful non-awareness,
how much are we willing to lose as well?

and once we are done,
how much of all that understanding
will stay with us in what may still come?

just like moments in time,
we are fragments of life
thrown in the maelstrom of strangest existence
thinking we need to make sense of it all

to understand the world
may lead us to knowledge
to highest achievement
and yet
we are mortal

and that which is eternal,
may care it or not,
might care just enough
to take note
of all our attempts
erratic they may well be:

so that something survives
at least as a memory

for the idea
that all this could have been in vain
is certainly not an understanding
we ever will be
prepared to accept

and yet
to truly understand the world
may ask us to do so
nevertheless

August 20th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS V:

ALL CHILDISH THINGS

as you grow older
you are expected
to also grow up

to give up
all childish things
to surrender
to the demands
of adulthood
to replace
your sense of wonder
with the dullest pose of knowing it all

strangely though
as we know
nobody knows
it all:
who then is the adult,
who is the child?

shall not proceed I
to stand in awe
at the majestic strangeness
of this here world?

shall not embrace I
my understanding all so incomplete
of what is so much bigger
than myself?

shall not resist I then
to fit within that what's expected of me
by those who have surrendered
to life as they know it

for I will frankly tell you
that there are still
so many more unanswered questions
than I could ever be dreaming of:
and I will never cease
to be asking those
that are revealed to me through life itself

as I proceed along the path of my life
I shall embrace all childish things
for what am I but a child
in the timeframe of all that is
and all that ever will be
in a world without end

August 20th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS VI:

CRISIS AND DYSPHORIA

I need this feeling
of strangest dysphoria
strangest disjunction
strangest detachment
from life
as it is

for life
is not as it should be
is a mockery of what it once was
a shambles, betrayal, all promise is gone:

there may well be good reasons here,
and yet, my feelings, needs and desires
still are talking to me
through this time
of compromised life

this crisis
may quite be
the shape of things to come:
I am just wondering
what shape I will be in
once is coming
the next one

mon dieu

September 25 / October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS VII:

ADULTHOOD

not a very poetic title
for a time of life
filled not even with prose
but with endless seeming tasks
of dullness
of necessity
of responsibility
of duty
of whatever it is
grown-ups
are supposed to be doing

do I know what that is?
to be grown up?

do we ever?
anymore?

for deep down,
I know,
we know,
we all surely know,
that beneath this façade
there is no grown-up
no adult in this body
but a being
struggling
to adjust
to the passage of time

and as we give in
to this exercise in frustration
the child inside
lacks nourishment:

Does adulthood lack poetry?

or is this lack
poetic
in its own sense
somehow?

October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS VIII:

IF ONLY EVER

if only ever
there was again
a life full of levity
once anymore

if only ever
we could just live again
innocently
into the day
without this nagging sense of doom

if only ever
we could agree
on what must be done
to become what we must

if only ever
we would be able to listen
to each other
as fellow beings on a fragile world

if only ever
we could one time see
that not just humans
are fellow beings

if only ever
we would feel grateful
for all that we see
before we destroy it

October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS IX:

ANSWERS

I have all the answers
that I probably could need
all the answers
to my questions
are there

some of the answers
I do not like
and I wish, some of my questions
would be good enough
to poke holes
into those inhumane ones

dead is dead
loss is loss
forever is tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
and all the other tomorrows
as well

I know
what is
final

whether there is anything
beyond
that which is
final
I do not know

I miss
not knowing
now that I know

October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS X:

DIALLING PHONE NUMBERS
OF DEAD PEOPLE (II)

(see also: Part I)

I want to call someone
the number is still saved in my phone
the picture, a face, is still attached
to the number
as is the name:

a name familiar and dear
I look at the face, and it looks at me
as if there is still a person
behind the name
behind the number
at the other end
of the line

sometimes I catch myself
wanting to dial
I used to be able to do so
all my life

it's one of the few numbers
I still know by heart
it used to reach two
till recently one

I can still see
both grandparents on the picture in the list in my phone
but if I dial the number
they won't be picking up anymore

I know

I know

I very much know

so

who do I need to be calling that still is alive?

October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XI:

ALL OUR RELATIONS

friends are not returning calls
connections once frequent,
connections once sacred
are sacrificed now
for the sake of purity
for the sake of politics
in our age of division
and too much opinion

how can we possibly be living like this?

October 16th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XII:

LOVE IS NOT TRIVIAL

love is not trivial
love is not primitive
love is not simple
love is not cheap

love
extends to all:
and all it embraces,
shall be it transformed
by our love

love is in details
in lovingly arranging
every single part of this world:
or lovingly accepting
this world
as if it's full of love already

too often now,
we denigrate,
we seek excuses
in order
to order
to not commit
our love
to act:
and too often we fail
to acknowledge even
that love is possible
in a world like this

and yet, the world is what we let it be:
without our love, we'll suffer in it ourselves
as we make it suffer but as well:

to want for love
to speak for love
to seek for love
and to let love
remake ourselves
our lives
our world:
there's nothing trivial about it

while cynicism has its place,
it can't be everywhere and all:
and certainly, a critical mind
is always necessary for sure:

but without love,
benign, sweet love,
the sweetest sense of innocence,
the childish joy
and love of the moment:
without all that
we would have nothing
and nothing would be

love
is not primitive
love but is primal
it is the prime mover
the prime objective
the prime necessity
the primal purpose
of life
everlasting

October 24th / November 7th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XIII:

CAT II

(see also: Part I)

if ever there was perfection in sleep, a cat has mastered it.

October 28th / November 7th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XIV:

NIGHT & DAY

when we head into our night
do we know what waits for us?

our senses will betray us
our bodies just as well

can we see the path ahead?
wake or sleep we, perchance dreaming?

will our dreams astray us lead?
will our watch be incompleat?

nights hold shadows deep and dark
straying doubt that light is on its way

as well, in light, there's darkness waiting in the wings
and night is day and day is night

October 28th / November 7th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XV:

THE PATH

For JMS

what truth there is
may well be hidden

what path here lies
be still unseen

what purpose be here
we won't know it

all here is
a mystery

plan we may, and hope, and dream
such a life may well be lived
that once, with hindsight then, we'll see
what heretofore just guesswork quite

a path unseen
still somewhere leads
and go we must
in search of it

for if we knew
we could not be, could only follow, never learn
and learn we must, and grow, and see
eventually, when times are right

so now,
let it be mysteries that guide us,
and the unknown and wonderful that teach us
as we try

to walk the path
of life
all alone
and all together
in this time
of greatest pain and greatest hope

November 7th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XVI:

MY REST SHALL COME

that feeling

late
at night
lonely in my wake

alone
with my thoughts
my thoughts, oh, how I hate these thoughts sometimes

worries enter my soul, no, they have never left
still need to function

in these years of pain
these years of poetry as therapy
(of therapy as poetry? for some, maybe)

but now, at night,
with sleep ahead now, hopefully,
and yet, a hopeless time is present still
and hopeless thoughts, a poison like,
descend now deeper, darker, starker:

there's death here, waiting with me,
telling me, my time could come whenever desired
it's just my desire that isn't quite clear yet:

and so, relieved
that my death-bringing friend
will be there in the end,
relieve me from my burden
when finally I'm ready:

that thought somehow here comforts me
and so now, finally, my rest shall come,
leaving behind
that feeling

for now

November 7th-27th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XVII:

AS WE HEAD DOWN THE ABYSS

I

as we head down the abyss,
some, it seems, too eager are;
others drown in dim despair
while too many silent fell

will we now, or will we e'er
see what must be seen by all?
or shall all we built be lost,
all our hopes be turned to dust?

gravity is innocent,
so is simple entropy:
nature does what nature does
know we that: and yet, don't act

II

as we head down the abyss
hope again leads us astray:
prophets false are still preferred
truth and science stay unheard

then perchance this must so be
all of us could clearly see
yet refuse to look and know:
comforts lie in things unseen

should we end, on us it be:
cultures end not passively
but by own our deeds we'll fall:
all of us shall play our parts.

November 7th-27th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XVIII:

NOT YET, MY DEAR

I do not know how this should be
this life, this time, this moment, all:
for what was planned, to naught it came
and trapped we are in cruellest game

when I think of my life -
and you think of yours -
we've spent all this time
together apart, apart but together:

those of us survivors, that is:

and still
minimize we
reality
whenever unable we prove
to accept it, to deal with it:
are we grown up or not
(at least, sometimes I wonder)

I assume we're still alive, or not?

certainly, we are:
but we've all been thinking too much
about mortality
haven't we

I used to believe this was healthy

I do not know now anymore

when I think of your life -
and you think of mine (or so I hope) -
do we envision each other alive still tomorrow
or to join all those we have lost already?

we do not know how this should be
this living death, this viral game:
my dreams to nightmares turned already
but hope shall be the last to go:

but not now
not yet,
my dear

December 4th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XIX

PRETEND WE

pretend we
there could be normality
there could be a way to be
as we were before

pretend we
all we wish will come to pass
all we wish will make us whole
and fill empty souls

pretend we
time could easily turn back
past mistakes won't haunt us so
we can have it all

pretend we
time is endless for us still
while our work still waits for us
we can rest some more

pretend we
compromise needs not be made
all our will be done right now
and we shall be king

pretend we
not to listen means success
what we wish shall be what's real
and forever so

pretend we may
pretend we shall
pretend we have:
and yet, we'll fail

December 30th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XX:

ALL WILL HURT

and just like this
my death will come
no warning lights
no easy signals

so just like this
the moment comes
where all is now
and all the yesterday's
and all tomorrows
in an instant
fade away
the naked now
alone remains
but briefly now
and just like this
this giant moment
briefest time though
over now
and just like this
there's nothing more
like this,
like them,
like me,
like you,
like us

thus in the nows to trust
reveals this central truth of life:
it's now or never
always, dear

my love shall live
through all our moments
shall you know
that when it comes
that moment
that now
it's been prepared for
all this time
by other nows
by other moments
infinitely better
and much less cruel
than this final one
this final hour:

for hurt us, they all
the last one, it kills:

vulnerant omnes,
ultima necat

December 12th/30th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XXI:

FOR ALL THAT ARE LOST

for all that are lost
shall weep we,
shall cry we

for all that are lost
shall see we,
shall hear we

for all that are lost
shall write we,
shall sing we

for all that are lost,
shall learn we,
shall teach we

for all that are lost
shall make we,
shall build we

for all that are lost
shall live we,
shall die we

December 30th, 2021

योग (YOGA) - DISRUPTIONS XXII:

EXPOSITION:

INVOCATIO (VERSIO LATINA)
VARIATIO PRIMA: IN THE MADNESS OF THE CURRENT WORLD
VARIATIO SECVNDA: NOW'S THE TIME
VARIATIO TERTIA: IN ALL OUR MISERIES, WHAT PIECE OF WORK
EXVOCATIO (VERSIO ANGLICA)

INVOCATIO

(VERSIO LATINA)

nunc est hora
clamans
agitans
nunc est hora
clamantes
agitantes
rogantes
probantes
dubitantes
sumus:
est
qui sumus?
est
qui speramus?
est
quae est?
hora ista
tota, omnis
hora ista
vivantes
morituri
sperantes
sumus
nunc hora
nunc sumus

VARIATIO PRIMA:

IN THE MADNESS OF THE CURRENT WORLD

/

in the madness of the current world
seek we only to survive
for long enough to see this through:

to finish our affairs right here
so that prepared we'll be -
so that prepared we are -
for the end
as it must seem inevitable now
inevitably so
any day now
any day
any

but what if the end of the world
is only a new beginning
as it so typically has been
at all the other ends of the world?

but what if the end of the world
is not even just a beginning
but just a mere continuation?

things go on and on and on
and all our drama
all our expectations of the fall
our callous thoughts
about radical this
and revolutionary that:

nothing here
will ever
end
only transform

so is it us
that will have the problem here quite?

so is it us
in our quaint apocalyptic thoughts -
in our dreams and nightmares of an end -
so is it us
that are the problem here quite?

//

see:

madness
is not the disruption:
normality is:
any historian
will tell you that:
and any good poet
should do that as well

all this
has happened
all this
is happening
all this
will happen
again and again

pretend we
to see:
pretend we
to hear:
pretend we
to know:

and yet
whatever we thought well repressed
will surface
time and time again
if not within psychology
then well within biology
and always in authority:

///

thus in the madness of the current world
accept we must
the madness of others as given
and channel our own
to understand
how to corral it
and turn this theory of madness
this theory of insanity
into a practice of sanity
this theory of chaos
into a practice of well-guided, creative anarchy:
and this madness of hate
into the necessity of love

// //

and as we falter in this -
and all too frequently we will, we must -

we need to remember:
remember the now
and live in it
and take it in
and know it
and cherish
the moment:
it will never return

live
as if tomorrow the darkness will take you
love
as if tomorrow that love would be ending
know
as if all knowledge tomorrow would be forbidden

it is the now
it is the here
it is the I, the you, the thou
in this here moment
this here place

in all this madness
find this constant
and hold on to it
let this day, this moment in time,
be your perfect gentle sanctuary
you castle, your gallows, your death, your salvation,
all in one,
because this is it
which every moment holds

// / //

for now
is the hour
and now
is the time

VARIATIO SECVNDA:

NOW'S THE TIME

now's the time
now is the hour
do not waste it
don't pretend
you'll have more time
you'll have another chance like now:

for moments are fragile
and opportunities they're holding
won't be there forever
and neither will you

for comes the hour
when you will know
when life is decided
one way or the other:

the choices you have,
much fewer they are
if all you are doing
is moving along

we think we have time
but we don't
we think we have time
but it's running out
we think we have time
but we're not thinking

VARIATIO TERTIA:

IN ALL OUR MISERIES, WHAT PIECE OF WORK

in all our miseries
we're all alike
in all our miseries
we'll all know pain
in all our miseries
we're only mortal

if unable we seem
to share
in an empathy of suffering:
should we not
at the very least
share in an empathy of mortality?

or maybe,
we are, to each other,
our truest miseries:
certainly,
it sometimes seems that way

what a piece of work
are we:
how faulty in reason
how limited in faculty, in form, and in moving,
how underwhelming and lacking in action,
how most unlike an Angel in apprehension,
how though in ego like a God?

pretend-gods are we
thinking we could
master space
and time:

yet time will tell us all most clearly
what is the day
what is the hour
this all
comes crashing down

in all our miseries
we all too frequently refuse
to see
that misery
can be overcome
can be understood as a chance
can be showing us
a path:

they say,
memento mori: remember, you'll die
this ain't about death,
but rather the opposite:
memento vivere: remember to live

mortality is an invitation
to live
within the time that's given:
to turn misery
into epiphany
and to make us see
the world,
ourselves,
again

EXVOCATIO

(VERSIO ANGLICA)

now is the hour
that cries
full of restlessness
now is the hour
in which crying
and restless
questioning
searching
questioning
we are
is this
what we are?
is this
who we hope to be?
is this
the one that is?
this hour
completely, and all
this hour
that living
bound to death
hoping
we are
now is the hour
now we are

February 28th / March 26th, 2022